Why Atheists Are the Opposite of Suicidal

There comes a time when every person thinks about/ accepts that someday he or she will die. Christians as well as other religious people have the luxury (I guess) of going through life with a sense of confidence that there will be an after life. As for me, I'm already terrified. I'm not scared of a place called "Hell" because as an atheist I obviously don't believe in it. Unfortunately, there is no "Heaven" either. Honestly, I wish I could still believe in something. But I can't believe something just because I want to. There will always be that knowledge in my subconscious that will remind me every once in a while, "Hey believe whatever you want. Still doesn't change the cold fact that after you die, you won't live on because your conscience along with your brain will only rot in your grave." Thats what I find unsettling. I can't seem to grasp the concept of non-existence. Its because my primitive instinct to survive prevents it.

The point of this post is to kind of release a little bit of despair I've been bottling up for a while now. It seems like no words of "comfort" seem to comfort me. No one can convert me at this point either. I just have to get through this on my own. Sucks it had to come on so suddenly. Most people accept it over a long period of time gradually. Before now I've never really even considered death. Or better yet, what happens... or doesn't happen after it. Before anyone who reads this gets confused and thinks I don't wanna live anymore, let me assure you that of course I do. More than ever. I have so much in life I want to do. So many things I wanna see, places I wanna go. (In my sort of scientific-atheist point of view) I am so grateful That I was the fastest sperm to reach the egg. That I of all of the 20,000 eggs and millions of sperm was the one unique combination to be given life. Words cannot explain how grateful and lucky I am. That I came out with no birth-defects, health issues or other problems. I was given a 9 out of 10 on the "healthy" scale or whatever by the doctors that helped deliver me. And I've been told that that is extremely good. I know it may seem silly for a young, healthy person like me to be worrying about death. But I'm pretty sure its a logical fear. How is an atheist supposed to find peace and comfort when a loved one dies? Someday when I am old and my health is fading, I will think about this once again. Probably through the viewpoint of someone who has seen and done everything they wanted to do and maybe I won't fear death anymore. Maybe I will be curious to see if I am proven wrong. See if there is an afterlife. And if not, well I won't know the difference because I won't have the conscience to wish there was.